You can put a cat in an oven, but that don't make it a biscuit – Sidney Deane

Posts tagged “Eminem

Saturday Night Stank: “Return of The Mack” & “Forgot About Dre” remixes

I’m probably too late if you’re looking for material to get your Saturday night poppin off, but it’s still relevant nonetheless. And not to state the obvious or anything, but yes, I am blogging at 11 pm on a Saturday night. Don’t judge me. I had a rough one last night. Actually just now feeling normal again after a hungover day filled with worthlessness. Although, this did give me the opportunity to go on a much needed Breaking Bad binge (ironic?), season 4 is getting real serious. But I’m done feeling sorry for myself, there’s shit that needs to get done.

First things first, I’ve been slacking on the new music this week. Thankfully my dude Bilkha’s been keeping ya’ll up to date. Loving that Drake & Nicki, btw. Here are a couple remixes I came across and thought you guys might dig. Mark Morrison will forever be the The Mack of all Macks. And yes, I like cats. Dogs too. Most all animals. Not too keen on snakes though…

(MP3): Mark Morrison – Return of The Mack (Dave Edwards Remix)

(MP3): Dr. Dre ft Eminem vs Katy Perry – Forgot About Dre (DJs Camille & Kontrol Peacock Mash)

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Best of….The Funk’s First Half of 2011: Top 25 Rap Songs Pt. 1

So I was reading the new Simmons on Grantland about the NBA lockout, and this part just kinda of stood out to me…

“Because that’s what this lockout is about: stubbornness in its rawest form. The league is too proud to change. The players are too proud to admit that they’re a huge part of the problem, and that we wouldn’t be in this mess if more of them took pride in the deals they signed. Both sides would rather point fingers instead of figuring out how to improve their product going forward.”

I feel like that is where we’re at in politics right now. All this debt ceiling, tax percentages, revenue sharing, posturing for upcoming elections, its all a bunch of bullshit. Politics in general is all a bunch of bullshit. No one really means what they say and no one really says what the mean. Now I don’t really know the whole story because obviously it makes me vomit to even try to follow these ass clowns and their agendas, but from what I’ve read on CNN, it seams as though Obama continuously gives up some in negotiations (to the dismay of many democrats because of all that posturing bullshit) but like the greedy owners, Republicans don’t end up budging one bit on their end. This because, like the NBA owners who easily have enough money to withstand not having an NBA season, the Republicans in congress will let us go into default and be straight with whatever national/global financial crisis ensues. Maybe I’m wrong, but that’s my opinion.

They’re actually very different situations in that the Players actually already have the money, whereas Obama and the Democrats are asking for more. I just hope it doesn’t play out one sided in Washington or the NBA because things definitely need to change, but we need to move toward middle ground. Obviously that means the Democrats/NBA players have a responsibility in this as well. One subject they probably need to address is spending. But regardless, both sides need to start being creative and stop being too proud. And the Owners/Republicans need to stop being so selfish and think about the big picture, America/NBA as a whole, and not just how it affects them personally since they have the upper hand. I really don’t know all the facts, I just hate people who are too proud to practice GIVE and take.

I do have some music to go along with this unrelated rant, and it’s songs 25-11 on my best of the funk rap list. I mean, I post at least like 4 times as much rap as I do anything. There’s no way I could narrow this down to just 10. Check it out.

25. Big K.R.I.T. – American Rapstar

24. Berner ft Wiz Khalifa & Big K.R.I.T. – Yoko Ono (prod. by Big K.R.I.T.)

23. Kendrick Lamar – Hii Power (prod. by J. Cole)

22. Childish Gambino – Break (AOTL)

21. Wiz Khalifa ft Curren$y – Rooftops

20. Lloyd Banks ft Eminem – Where I’m At

19. XV – Pictures on my Wall

18. Childish Gambino – The Longest Text Message

17. Mac Miller ft Wale – So What

16. DJ Khaled ft Drake, Lil Wayne & Rick Ross – I’m On One

15. Big K.R.I.T – Rise & Shine

14. The Dean’s List – Dear Professor

13. Eminem & Royce da 5’9” – Fast Lane

12. OCD – Black Forest Gummy Worms

11. Skizzy Mars – Profound ……”everybody trying to avoid me, NBA lockout.”


Rap Stat: Eminem & Royce da 5’9” – “Welcome To Hell” Words per Minute

So again, I got this idea in my head, but I don’t really have the time, nor the direction/motivation at the moment, to carry it out to the fullest. But the idea derived from shitty music awards like MTV’s, BET’s, and even the grammy’s when it comes to rap (although they’ve shown signs of improvement in recent years), and how it’s really just a popularity contest. I understand it’s pretty hard to compare rap artists with all the mediocrity these days, but you can’t just go by record sales/downloads or revenue, because all that really measures is what is the most commonly purchased piece of music, not the best. You follow me? It’s like if the Oscars based their awards on movie revenue. So the best movies from the past 3 years would be The Hangover II (so far), Toy Story 3, and Avatar. Those all may be quality movies in their respective genre, but what does it really say about the majorities taste level when a comedy requiring the maturity level of a frat dude, a children’s animation, and an almost entirely CGI (computer generated imagery) dominated movie are the highest grossing. Again, I’m not saying they are bad movies. I’m just saying it doesn’t mean much of anything, in terms of overall quality, that these were the most attractive movies for Americans to pay to see….btw, was gonna get into another metaphor here about women (shocker, i know), which could easily be translated to men from a female perspective as well, but I don’t really feel like getting into that shit right now. Plus I gotta start practicing what I preach and stop generalizing women.

So, before I lose my train of thought and start rambling again, let me get back to that idea I started with. I was trying to find a way to measure rappers’ ability to spit hot fire, and then do a little research project on it. Since you can’t really objectively measure the quality of lyrics, I thought that measuring the quantity of lyrics could at least give you a basis for their level of talent. I know this doesn’t mean a TON, because one could easily spit nonsense with relative ease very quickly, but I think it definitely does gives you a good idea of the type of work they put into their verse and/or their mastery of the English language.

Now, no offense to the 50 people that visit the funk everyday ( I love you all), but until I feel like my writing/analysis is gonna get me somewhere, I just don’t have the time to get that in depth with my research. But what I did do was analyze one of the sickest spit sessions in, i dont know how long, to give you a little idea of what lyricism is all about. This “Welcome to Hell” shit is toooooo cold. Good lookin out Bo, I should’ve been up on this way earlier than the weekend.

So I took the first verse from Em, and then the first two Royce parts (his first verse is interrupted real quick with a couple bars from Em), and calculated their words per minute, with the help of KillerHipHop.com for the lyrics. Em spit for 50 secs with 250 words, Royce for 40 secs with 202 words. Now that comes out to 300 wpm (words per minute) for Em and 303 wpm for Royce (60/50 x 250 & 60/40 x 202). Seems like Em rapped faster but could be that Royce used more shorter syllable words. But either way, that is incredible. Especially considering the lyrical content.

Now just for fun, I went ahead and measured Rick Ross and Lil Wayne on “I’m on One.” Ross spit 154 words in 50 secs, and Wayne 134 in 50 secs. That’s only 185 wpm for Ross, and 161 wpm for Wayne. Damn, Weezy spitting even slower than Ross these days? Take what you will from the numbers. I just like giving credit where credit is due. And although I know Wayne and Ross come with some slightly clever punchlines every once in a while (always “hard” though, right? smh), I just don’t believe it takes as much effort/skill as it just did Em and Royce the way they utilize that many words that not only rhyme, but are relevant and necessary to the line. That’s lyricism.

(MP3):Eminem & Royce da 5’9” – Welcome to Hell


Throwback Thursday: Royce Nickel Nine

Royce came out on the rap scene about 2002 with a little help from his friend and fellow Detroit native, Eminem. Em sang the hook on his first single “Rock City” which came off the similarly titled album. The song wasn’t bad for a single, and the video at least help put his name on the map. But “Boom” is what really got people talking about dude. Not many are blessed enough to get a chance to spit over a classic DJ Premier beat like this. And not half the dudes that get the chance can kill it like Royce does. Kanye does Royce a similar favor (back when he still did favors) by providing this creative instrumental on “Heartbeat” which was released after Rock City.

“Im the next best to reach the peak.
Formally known as the best kept secret, I guess that I just leaked it”

MP3:Royce Da 5’9’’ – Boom (prod. DJ Premier)

MP3:Royce Da 5’9’’ – Heartbeat (prod. Kanye West)
These next 3 come from one of my favorite albums of all time, Death is Certain. You can tell Royce was in a different state of mind when he completed this project. I don’t remember the exact timeline of the whole falling out Royce and Em had, or when they came out with their respective diss tracks, but this album obviously harbored those feelings of resentment. Much of his anger is geared primarily toward the mainstream; most notably the success of garbage rap groups like D12. The tone stays the same from start to finish and that’s what makes it one of the best albums to listen straight through without use of the skip button. It’s a very personal album and is really best to listen to on a personal level, by yourself. Here are a few of my favorite tracks.

MP3:Royce Da 5’9’’ – Regardless

MP3:Royce Da 5’9’’ – What I Know

MP3:Royce Da 5’9’’ – Hip Hop (prod. DJ Premier)


Weekend Rap Up: New Eminem & Royce Da 5’9”, Childish Gambino, Jay Sean ft Tyga, Fabolous & Mac Miller

Just wait until this weeks throwback Thursday, then you’ll find the necessary respect for Royce you should already have. This is one of the deadliest combination of spitters you could ever get your ears on. Thankfully they overcame the bullshit and came together to create some fire to prove the Midwest better than the rest.

MP3: Royce 5’9’’ ft Eminem – Fast Lane

Donald seems kinda angry at times, no? I hear him though. I like this remix. And I like him. He aint a clown. He’s a real person.

MP3:Childish Gambino – Let Me Dope You (Travis Wide Remix)


I dont know how i feel about this one. I like the beat during the hook, but not so much during the verse. I mean, I get the appeal. It’s totally geared toward to the club scene. And the womp womp aint bad. It just aint my preferred shit. Can’t hate though.

MP3:Jay Sean ft Tyga, Busta Rhymes, Corey Gunz – YMCMB Heroes

This instrumental could be spit over by almost anyone and I’d still love it. Maybe not. Maybe J and Fab can keep it real on the mic so naturally like none other. Still like the J. Cole and Drake version better though.

MP3:Fabolous – In The Morning

How can you hate a dude who just puts in mad work? You can’t. I don’t seek out Mac Miller music, he finds me. Ironically enough, dude lays some lyrics to let ya’ll know he can spit from the perspectives we all seek. At least, if you have a background similar to mine. And to think I use to doubt dude’s versatility. Classic sample by the way.

MP3:Mac Miller – Talk About


Anthem – God of Joy (Dionysus)

This dude Anthem puts a real nice track together here. Then again, almost anyone could go over Bag Raiders’ “Shooting Stars” instrumental and it would be a jam. Dude has skills though. Feel good vibes right here people. Check the original along with The White Panda mash up using vocals from Eminem’s “Superman.” Three songs using the same instrumental, yet they all have their own unique feel to em. Good stuff.

Anthem – God of Joy (Dionysus)

Bag Raiders – Shooting Stars

The White Panda – Shooting Superstars


Nate Dogg – Music & Me….R.I.P.

Damn. I knew today was gonna be a miserable day when it started out with the news of one of my all time favorite artist’s passing. Seriously? I won’t hear another hook by the most melodic man in hip hop history? This man could make the raunchiest lyrics sound like hymns from heaven.  Akon could become a billionaire and be featured on every number one hit, every year, for the rest of his career and could never match what Nate Dogg accomplished. When Rap was at its height in the 90’s, Nate Dogg was there. Not just there, but a major catalyst. When youngsters began to infiltrate the game with hits in the 2000’s, Nate Dogg was there…making them classics. When gangsta rap died and the West Coast fell off, Nate Dogg was the only one who remained relevant. Not only did he remain relevant, but he remained true to his style; never sold out, no matter who the hook was for. His voice was one thing, but his melody was what really set him apart, in my mind. There’s not another singer who can rock the beat like him. And if anyone ever says you gotta rap, you can’t sing to be G, just bring up Nate. He wasn’t just another gangster artist who gained popularity because of the rebel mentality of the youth either. He truly was gifted musically. I probably owe my love and appreciation of Hip Hop to this man. I mean, we all fell in love with Regulate, but I literally fell in love with Hip Hop because of that song right there. I could go on for days, but I’ll just let the man speak for himself. Even though you’re gone Nate, your melodies will live on forever.

Nate Dogg – Music & Me

Snoop Dogg ft Nate Dogg, Warren G, Kurrupt – Aint No Fun

Nate Dogg ft Fabolous, Kurrupt & B.R.E.T.T. – I Got Love (remix)

Mos Def ft Pharoahe Monch & Nate Dogg  – Oh No

Lloyd Banks ft Eminem, 50 & Nate Dogg – Warriors pt 2

The Game ft Nate Dogg – Too Much

Fabolous ft Nate Dogg – Can’t Deny It

Ludacris ft Nate Dogg – Area Codes

Shade Sheist ft Nate Dogg – Cali Diseaz

Snoop Dogg ft Nate Dogg, Butch Cassidy, Master P, etc. – Lay Low

Warren G ft Nate Dogg – Regulate